Dear Miss Manners: There’s a local saying where we live: “You never know how many friends you have until you have a beach house.”
We were lucky enough to have bought a beach house before prices in our area spiraled out of control. We frequently invite friends, new and old, to stay with us, but we have noticed a trend that disappoints us.
Some “friends” seem to see us as innkeepers rather than hosts. They will rise late, leave for the day, and sometimes return after dark (they can come and go in their own entrance). They share neither breakfast nor dinner with us, despite our repeated invitations, leaving us with an abundance of food we purchased to share with them.
Are we incorrect in thinking an invitation to stay with us includes the expectation that they will spend at least some of the time actually WITH us?
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Apparently you beach house owners also learn which friends you do not have.
Miss Manners is shocked that this happened to you even once. That it has happened so often as to be considered a trend makes her wonder whether you should rephrase your invitations — and revise your guest list.
Meanwhile, you could detect intentions by asking what they eat for breakfast and whether they have any dinner restrictions. If the answer is “Oh, we won't be around for meals,” you can respond, “Oh, dear, we had hoped to enjoy your company. But as this isn't a good time for you to visit us, let's rethink it.”
Dear Miss Manners: I am extremely heat-intolerant, and I live in an area where I am reasonably comfortable 10 months of the year. In July and August, however, I am basically housebound, as anything over 75 degrees can induce loss of appetite, nausea, vomiting, dizziness and extreme lethargy. I am essentially limited to air conditioning and swimming for those two months.
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My issue relates to my summertime clothing and my gentleman friend (I am a woman). The only clothes I feel comfortable wearing during the summer months are loosefitting, sleeveless dresses, of which I have many. Even underwear is a sacrifice I make only when in the company of others.
My significant other is the problem. Invariably, when he shows up to see me — whether we are going out, even just for fast food, or staying in to order a pizza and watch movies — he ALWAYS states that he feels underdressed.
I have assured him repeatedly that I am not “dressed up,” I’m just HOT. What do I say to make him stop? It’s embarrassing as well as annoying.
What on Earth is he wearing — or not wearing — if he considers a loose dress to be contrastingly formal?
Never mind. Perhaps you can tell (or remind) him about your underwear sacrifice. No, skip that, too. The heat seems to have gotten to Miss Manners’ sense of decorum.
The argument-closer is to say that you will wear what you choose and he may wear what he chooses — if that does not cause more serious problems. Possibly with the law.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
© 2023 Judith Martin
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